Aidan is taking it the worst and you can tell by his behavior. He is very angry and takes his aggression out on me most of the time. So far he's stormed off from me in Wal Mart - I was about to put in a Code Adam because I thought someone snatched him, he's intentionally peed in a trash can and then told me he did it, has attempted to bite, kick, and punch me and has thrown countless tantrums. He hasn't been sleeping well the last few days and has to have me there with him to sleep at all. Last night he broke down and was sobbing (not crying, sobbing) and when I asked what was wrong he said "I'm so sad about Daddy". And he keeps asking "Is Daddy going to be okay in the desert?". I explained everything to him and tried to make him understand that misbehaving or being hateful to others is not going to get Daddy home any sooner and that we're going to need each other to get through this. He was better for a little while then it went down hill again. I'm not really sure what I can do any more, I've tried punishments (all of them), we saw a psychologist and psychiatrist for a while but they didn't really help. The psychiatrist told me he wasn't a candidate for medication which both relieved and worried me.
Rachel is doing okay, she's a little more moody than normal but I think once we get into a routine she'll be alright. She also had a breakdown yesterday. We were driving on post when she saw a soldier in uniform. She said "there's Daddy" and I had to tell her that it wasn't Daddy, that Daddy had to go away for a while. She started crying and saying "I want Daddy to come home now".
As for me, I haven't had my really good breakdown yet. I thought it was going to be today but it never came, probably because I was too busy and there just wasn't time to cry - which is not a bad thing. I almost feel like I'm in denial, like Charlie will come home from work tomorrow or something. The hard part is that I don't have an FRG to update me on where he is so I have to wait to hear from him directly which can be days depending on the camp he's at or the line for the phone or any number of things. I hadn't heard from him since he landed in Alaska Monday night. Then when you add in trying to take care of the kids and make sure they're okay it's overwhelming. Thankfully Charlie did call this afternoon to tell me he made it to Kuwait. I cannot tell you how much a difference one twenty minute phone call can make.
On the brighter side, I learned to make real mexican rice. Laura is leaving to go to Texas tomorrow so I got a lesson tonight. The real test will be when I'm attempting it on my own but she assures me she'll be on call if needed. And I got to drive a convertible yesterday for the first time, a 2007 Mustang. Thanks go to Theresa for owning only stick shifts, Laura for not knowing how to drive them, and Enterprise for giving them a free upgrade. Me, Laura and Aidan (who was out of school with pink eye and an attitude) cruised down to Denny's for breakfast.
Don't we look good in it?
1 comment:
I am so in this with you Jamie. It was almost a week bfore I had my real breakdown. I made myself stay busy until then. But it was when I was finally at home all by myself for the 1st time that I had my 1st good cry. It is so hard when you feel like you have to be strong for everyone else, but you do have to let it out too. Just give me a call when you need a partner to cry with!
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